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After Hours BBS • View topic - Here you go my story.

Here you go my story.

First Aid for the Heart
Ever been dumped? Or maybe going through hell from a relationship? Drop in and talk about it.

Here you go my story.

Postby BarkaSauha78 » Sat Mar 17, 2001 3:32 pm

It was good 3 months that we had together. I meet this guy named Martin on the internet and we just talked like that for two weeks before we met in person. WE also talked on the phone for like hours each day getting to know each other. He was from Texas and I am from PA. He came up here, because I just couldn't leave my job and move down there. He came up and stayed at my place for three weeks until I could give my work notice that I was leaving and pack up. We fall in love with each other from the first time we saw each other. My family fell totally in love with him, even my friends approved of him, because they saw how happy I was. I was happy and in love, after many heartaches, I thought that I finally found the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
We drove down to Texas. I love his family and if anything happens to anyone of them I don't know how I would handle it. His sister and I really hit it off and also with his nieces. His sister and mom helped me get a job. He and I were both had alot of stress to find jobs. I was the first one to get a job and then he finally got one. We spent alot of time together in the beginning then we he change jobs he work alot of evenings when all I work in the mornings. That meant we never see each other at all except at night in 1 the morning, when I would get up for work.
The reason that we broke up is because he said that I wasn't changing fast enough for him, I wasn't adjusting, I lied to him, and I was smoking behind his back. I was doing everything in my power to change, I was doing our wash, cleaning our room, helping out around the house with his mom, and trying to adjust to waking up at 1 a.m. in the moring to be at work at 4. I lied to him about my car payments that they were caught up, but they weren't, because I know that he wouln't help me out with them. My car had broken down in Dec. and I asked if he could help me out, well he had no money to give me, but yet he had money the next day to run around with. Then I had to get 4 brand new tires on my car and no one help my out the money to get them with. Although I took his mom to work and they used my car when their truck was in the shop. The only time I ask for money for gas is when I had no money for gas. I have been smoking since I was 20 years old which is for three years and it is hard to stop, I am stopping slowly. It is hard to adjust to a new life when you are used to living your life one way. I would be home all the time and never out making friends or doing things with him. I loved him and wanted to spend time with him but he acted like I was a third wheel in his life. It got to a point where he wouldn't even come home until I was going to bed or getting ready to go home. After awhile I started to get really depressed that I would stay in the room and lay on the bed and cry for awhile. I would be happy when he got home that I would like give him the biggest hug in the world. He would ask why and I would tell him that I say that I missed him, and he would ask I haven't been gone that long. I was so far away form my family and that I would get homesick that I would cry or get upset over the little things.
I could tell something would happen but not that we would break up and with me moving back to PA. I miss him so much that I cry myself to sleep at nights. Right now, I am getting really teary eyes just writing this. The last month we were engaged and even planning the wedding. I had gotten magazines on wedding gowns and how to make plans and everything. I took the ring that he gave me, I have it on the necklace that he gave me for Christmas. At least we got to have Christmas and New Year's together, and also our birthdays.
I don't know what to do know to do now. My heart can't stand to be hurt again. I gave up my virginity to him, and I wish that I didn't, because that is something that I wanted to give to my husband on the honeymoon. I am also afraid that I might be pregant with his baby, but there is always the chance that I am not. I pray that I am not,because that is the last thing that I needed to hold on to someone that doesn't want me for who I am. He wanted me to be like his mom, and I am not going to be someone's mom when I get married.
I am sorry that this is so long.
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Postby jackalz » Sun Mar 18, 2001 4:02 am

Barka,
First, I don't think you could have made it any shorter, without leaving out important details.

Anyway, I'm not the believer in a couples forever mentality, so I can only offer, this advice. As painful as your time has been, you will be a more complete person for having taken a chance following your dreams. And it's a hard lesson, but people can be very good close friends, but once decisions are made to live together forever, they and you will behave so differently, like you're not the same person. As for the virginity, you're going to have to get used to the fact that you're normal now, no longer the immaculate bride. Sorry about the sarcasm during your time of pain, but I have little irritation from the preachers of the philosophy. Anyway, back to you... I believe you are a strong person, and will get through this and learn your own lessons, not the ones I tell you to learn. I wish you a future will be able to appreciate.
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Postby snooper-m » Sun Mar 18, 2001 11:24 pm

hi bark,sorry to hear you had a breakup ,this is one thing you should remember,what you lose,you can always find one better.he was not the right one for you.a better one is still out there waiting.take your time and enjoy life until he comes around......chuck
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Postby BarkaSauha78 » Mon Mar 19, 2001 3:53 am

THanks guy, I know that I will be hurting for awhile, and that it takes time to heal. Thanks for you advice.
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Postby JAZZCEY » Tue Mar 20, 2001 6:49 am

<p><B><font size=2><font face=Verdana><font color="#C71585"> ({({({({({(BARKA!!)})})})})})...that's a big hug, cause I think you could use one!!

There is never the perfect advice when it comes to broken hearts, cause each one is different and unique!!...just know that so many of us have been there and survived, taking things a day at a time is usually the best way!!...I think it's fine to feel sad, it's part of the process, as long as you begin to find small ways to feel happy too...in other words don't let the downside overtake your life!!...The very first thing you need to do is a home pregnancy test...it seems knowing one way or the other is a good place to start putting your life in order!!</b></font></font></font>
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Postby BarkaSauha78 » Tue Mar 20, 2001 7:12 am

Thanks I needed that Jazzy. I did take one and I am not, Thank God.
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Postby JAZZCEY » Wed Mar 21, 2001 4:02 am

<p><B><font size=2><font face=Verdana><font color="#C71585"> Not to scare you, or make you worry, but do a 2nd one in a week or so, just to be positive, unless of course things return to normal before then, so ya know!!
Have you thought of maybe sending him a copy of the thoughts you wrote here, is it possible he isn't even aware of how you were feeling?? It may have no affect on any further communication from him, but it might help clear the air and maybe act as a Catharsis for yourself!!</b></font></font></font>
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Postby BarkaSauha78 » Wed Mar 21, 2001 6:34 am

I don't know how it will help he won't take me back worth nothing, even if I was pregnant. When I left he told me that then would never be any romantic in our future. I love him. I colled him today and here he cut 23% of his thumb off at work. He is a butcher. I started to cry and wanted to be there with him, but I know that I can't be there like I was before. I hope that maybe God will somehow bring us back together someday. Right now, I don't know what to do still.
BarkaSauha78
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Postby JAZZCEY » Thu Mar 22, 2001 12:51 am

<p><B><font size=2><font face=Verdana><font color="#C71585"> Barka, that's awful about his thumb, and you would naturally be upset cause you still have strong feeling for him!!...I'm guessin that your 23 or 24??(from what you said about how long you've smoked) Your still quite young!! Even though this may seem like the love of your life that you may never get over...Trust me it almost never works out that way!! The fact that you both are still talking sort of leaves the door open...No one knows what the future will bring, regardless of negative words spoken during emotional or angry times!But I think you are being too down on yourself, from what you wrote, you certainly don't shoulder all the blame for why this relationship wasn't working!!
It seems like the expectations weren't clear from the get go, for either of you!! I have a suggestion though, a change in mindset, giving yourself a little more credit than what I read in your words!! All relationships take work and dedication to sort out the differences, it sounds like you were doing alot more of that than he was!!...When thinking and wondering about this guy...Don't come at it from the negative "He'll never take me back"...Try "He'd be lucky to have me!!" It may give you a whole new outlook!!</b></font></font></font>
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Postby BarkaSauha78 » Wed Mar 28, 2001 3:10 pm

You will never believe this. I called his sister because I couldn't get ahlod of him today. She told me that he try to kill himself the other day. She said that he has been down and depressed what happen. She also said that she thinks that he is still in love with me, and that he was saying how he made the worst mistake in his life. She then asked how I still feel about him and I told her that I night hasn't past yet that I don't lay in bed and cry myselve to sleep at night. I love him and I really want to be with him. Today I was reading a poem that he wrote for me, and I started to cry so bad that I wasn't able to read the rest of it. I want to spend the rest of my life with him but he has to make the first move or should I make it. I need some advice on that.
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Postby Goblin_182 » Thu Mar 29, 2001 5:47 am

<font face=Georgia><b><font color=purple><font size=3>He should make the first move. And that move should be to get some counceling. Not just for the suicide thing. After what happened between ya'll at his parent's house he has a lot of issues he needs to deal with before you get into a permanent relationship with him. </font id=Georgia></b></font id=purple></font id=size3>
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Postby jackalz » Thu Mar 29, 2001 12:12 pm

I also advise caution, sometimes you want something so bad you are easily convinced that it is so. Then you find out again that he only in it for the chase, once he has you, he may lose interest. Then you've moved to Texas again, only to be disappointed. I hope that's not you.
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Postby BarkaSauha78 » Thu Mar 29, 2001 12:58 pm

I know that I will not make that mistake again. I do want to live down there I loved it down there not just because of him. He does need help but he won't get it I know that he won't.
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Postby daydreamr4 » Sat Mar 31, 2001 1:12 am

<font color="#00cc33" face="Comic Sans MS"><b>BarkaSauha, until he is ready to give you the same unconditional love that you are ready to give to him, he is not the man for you. You will only be hurt again and again by him until you can no longer love him because of all the hurt. And suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do. It means that he has no feelings for anybody but himself. If he cared one little bit about you or anybody else he wouldn't be able to even consider putting you through the pain you would surely have at his death and maybe even feeling responsible for it. <P>I know this is only advice from somebody that you don't know; but all any of us can do is offer you our opinions, maybe give you a differant perspective, to help you make your own decisions. But you have a lifetime of living to do. It should be with a man who loves you more than he does himself. </b></font>
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Postby BarkaSauha78 » Sat Mar 31, 2001 4:31 pm

Thanks Daydreamer. I do take all of what you all say and do use it in my life. I realized that all I can do right now is be his friend and be there to help him. Maybe on day he will grow up and realize that what we had in those short months was the best thing for him.
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Postby BarkaSauha78 » Tue Apr 10, 2001 12:03 pm

Well, it has been two weeks later I think. I am glad that I had the chance to be with Martin and I am glad that we spent the time that we had together. I have been talking to his sister and she would really like me to come this retreat in October down in Texas and I think that I will be going. I really don't care if anything happens between me and Martin. I love him still and always will, but I don't need the hurt all over again. I still wish that I could go back and change the last six months. I would change the way thing went. Not any of the good stuff just the bad times. I hope that I do find the man of my dreams although I did find him. I hope maybe Martin will straighten up and see that I was the best thing for him and that something will happen after all. I know that when I do go down, I am not going to push I will just pray that we will become best friends. I will tell you this that I talked to him the other day and it was the first time were we didn't fight on the phone.
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Postby daydreamr4 » Sat Apr 21, 2001 5:04 am

<font color="#00cc33" face="Comic Sans MS"><b>Friends is a good start, BarkaSauha. Just let things go as they will. Nothing will ever take the time you had together away from you. But if it is not to be you will know that too. My best to you. </b></font>
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Postby BarkaSauha78 » Sat Apr 21, 2001 8:36 am

Thanks Daydreamer that is what I have been doing. I think that I still might be pregnant, am going to a doctors office on Monday.
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Postby daydreamr4 » Sun Apr 22, 2001 10:29 am

<font color="#00cc33" face="Comic Sans MS"><b>That would complicate things so much more for you. {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} </b></font>
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Postby BarkaSauha78 » Mon Apr 23, 2001 12:28 am

yeah, it would but I hope and pray that I am not.I don't know how I would be able to afford for two when I am having trouble just suriving on my own.
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Postby BarkaSauha78 » Mon Apr 23, 2001 12:28 am

yeah, it would but I hope and pray that I am not.I don't know how I would be able to afford for two when I am having trouble just suriving on my own.
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Postby daydreamr4 » Wed Apr 25, 2001 8:58 am

<font color="#00cc33" face="Comic Sans MS"><b>I know this sounds corny; but somehow you will manage if you are. I've found that there is always some good that comes out of every bad thing that happens. It makes no sense and it's sometimes hard to find; but it does. And somehow there's always just enough good luck to keep a person going through the bad times. You just have to believe it and look for it and work for it. </b></font>
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Postby LouiseV » Wed Apr 25, 2001 5:04 pm

<font face=Verdana></font id=Verdana>
<font size=3></font id=size3><font color=brown></font id=brown>
<b></b>
Dear Barka
""Do u really love Martin?????????""
or u just want to prove something???
i think u should think deeply~
maybe u don't love him any more~~~
if...if! u r really really sure that u love him!
hey, maybe this is a trial for u and Martin.
and u will pass through it!
as i know u from the story u wrote!
i guess that u r a really brave woman~~~
so "add oil"(taiwanese) means "exert urself"
good luck
LV
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Postby BarkaSauha78 » Wed Apr 25, 2001 5:51 pm

Yeah Louise I do really love him and always will. I loved everything about him, expect for his childish ways. Even his sister said to me last night that he still has to grow up.
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Postby BarkaSauha78 » Wed May 23, 2001 7:47 pm

Hi. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am doing better then I was a month ago. I had put ads on the interent and meet the wonderful guy. We have been seeing each other for the last two weeks, and I think that everything is going well. I am taking it slow and he understands why and is patient about it. He is 7 years older than me and has a 4 year old daughter. He gets her on the weekends so we don't get to see each other then, because he wants to spend that time with just them two and I understand that. I just wished that I would have meet him about a year ago. I am happy with my life, now. I wrote to Martin and told him, I am just not sure how he will react to the letter. I told him that he needed to grow up and that I really don't care if I hear from him, that my heart is healing and that I was off him that if there was a chance for us again it was too late. Well, I guess that is about it for now I will keep posting on what is happening in my life.
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