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After Hours BBS • View topic - love really hurts

love really hurts

First Aid for the Heart
Ever been dumped? Or maybe going through hell from a relationship? Drop in and talk about it.

love really hurts

Postby Mom_2_6 » Thu Mar 29, 2001 11:34 pm

this is from a mother of 6 and I really am doing this to try and let out some of the hurt i feel in my heart and soul and would really like some advice
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Postby Ed Sysop » Thu Mar 29, 2001 11:42 pm

Hi mom of 6, and welcome to After Hours.

Hopefully you'll find this a nice place to visit. We talk about lots of different things here, and you'll probably find that some of us can relate to some of that heartache you're feeling.

And don't forget, in addition to being a mom to 6 people, you're also your own person...it's important to think of yourself sometimes too.

So what's making you feel so down?
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Postby Mom_2_6 » Fri Mar 30, 2001 12:25 am

this from the writter i am very new at this computer stuff i am really sorry i messed up i just really need someone to talk to and to try to let out some hurt to someone so here it is i am 37 years old and was married for 20 years to the same man and he was unfaithful to me with men and i am so depressed sometimes that i cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel i am not depressed because of him but i quess in part it is because of what his actions have caused in my life all i have ever wanted was to fell wanted by someone in my life and i was never unfaithful to him but after i took the kids and moved out there was a man at work he is my boss he was also my friend and i could talk to him and then things changed we started thes affair and he is married well it went on for about 8 months and he made me feel wanted he said he loved me and told me he wanted me like a man wants a woman but then i feel si in love with him that i wanted to be with him and i would get upset when he said he was doing the best he could to give me time and before any of this started with him and me i was climbing the latter at work but now he has not let me do the things i once was doing and that makes the hurt even worse because i feel like i am being punished for loving him and i really do love him and i know he is married and he is alot older then i am and he would lose everything in a divorce and i get so mad sometimes that i want to go and report him but i can't do it to his family exspecially his son and grandson you see because i love him i love them and don't want them hurt and when ever i think about doing it i see there faces even thou i know what he has done to me is not right i am one if the best workers he has if not the best oh yes i work as a housekeeper and was getting close to being made a supervisor well now we have not been together for a while now and to go in there and see him everyday it hurts so much and i have thought about quitting but i have the children who depend on me and any job i could get would not pay me what i make there now so i stay i wish more then anything he could know the pain he has caused me and I am not and ugly woman people tell me i am beautiful and look like a teenager and not the mother of teenagers and i have tried to have a relationship with another man but i just could not feel anything for him i cannot let go of him and when i think back i was never with anyone but my husband until him and i married him when i was 16 and i didn't love him i married him to get away from my parents they were cruel but i grew to love him and if he could have only loved me back like that but as far as falling in love with him it never happened so you see at age 37 i feel in love for the first time in my life and he had to be married i was so stupid just wanting someone to want me all of me not just part of me how do i stop loving him i have tried everything i know of but i can't hurt his family and i won't make my children suffer for my stupdity i pray for god to give me strength every day work 8 hours there and then i go clean another building for 4 hours too i just feel so alone sometimes that i don't think i can bear it another day i wish i had someone here to hold me right noe as i crying trying to get this out of my system i am i good person why am i alone please someone help me let go of this gut wricning pain i feel
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Postby Darlene 6 » Fri Mar 30, 2001 12:54 am

<font face='Papyrus'><b>(((((((Mom 2 6)))))))... that's just a cyber hug, because I feel like there's little else I can do but give you one. If this is the first time you've been in love, then this is your first heartbreak. We all learn, after our first heartbreak, that it does get better, but it takes time. You're in a VERY tough situation, having to work with him and see him every day. If it's at all possible to find a different job with at least the same pay, you should try to do that, for your own well being. You're right not to want "revenge", as revenge is NOT sweet like they say. Try to let go of him with an open heart and good wishes - it's much better for your own soul, and it feels good. Try to occupy yourself in non work times with friends and family, concentrate on the good things in your life if you can. Little by little, the pain will diminish, I promise, but it will take time. When your heart is ready, you'll find someone to love who's not attached. It soulds like it was too soon for you, and that's why you didn't feel anything for the man you were starting to see. Look at men right now as possible friends... maybe they can be romantic candidates later, but right now you have to let your heart mend. I hope this helps... and I'll be thinking about you.</font id='Papyrus'>
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Postby Mom_2_6 » Fri Mar 30, 2001 6:21 am

thank you darlene for your response and i wish i could say it helped but like you said it will take time it is just right now i feel like the pain will never go away for me and i do continue everyday to look for another job that will not adversally affect my children and to know that at least someone out there knows that i am in pain that part does help and thanks for your thoughts if you pray please pray for me thank you darlene again for your thoughtful message mom_2_6
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Postby jackalz » Fri Mar 30, 2001 12:11 pm

Mom_2_6,
I find that when I'm hurting (not necessarily by romantic love) and life seems unbearable, then there is some lesson I am being taught, some lesson I can't learn any other way. I don't know, maybe my mind makes that up, but it seems to help me to focus on learning as opposed to just how much I'm in pain. It's just as painful, but if I can create a purpose for dealing with it, then there is a goal. I am surely praying that you find a path to appreciating and loving yourself without the need for someone to do it for you.
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Postby daydreamr4 » Sat Mar 31, 2001 12:54 am

<font color="#00cc33" face="Comic Sans MS"><b>Mom 2 6, everybody needs to feel loved. That's part of being human. And it's understandable that you would fall in love with your boss because he gave you that feeling; and you will probably always love him a little bit for that. And that's normal too. Just like the pain you're feeling now is normal. But your boss was not the right person for you; and you know that too. And you're so right to not want revenge. That only hurts you. The pain you're feeling now will lessen. It will take a while; but your heart will heal. You have your children to love and your own life to live. Let them keep you busy; and after a while it won't hurt so bad.<P> I firmly believe that there is somebody out there for everybody that completes them, makes them feel like a whole person in a way that they can't feel by themselves. But you can't look for that person. That never works. You start every relationship wondering if he is the one, expecting him to do things that make you happy; and that way you never really give love a chance to grow. You just have to let it happen. Maybe you already know him, or maybe you haven't met him yet. But when the time is right you will know it because suddenly making him happy will be the most important thing in the world to you; and he will feel the same way about you. There will be no expectations. Just two people who make each other happy, no strings attached.<P> Until then just take it one day at a time. Look for every little bit of good in your life. Celebrate it, even if it's only that you saw a flower blooming and it made you feel good for a minute. And help your children to look for the good. They have to be hurting and confused too because the family they had isn't together anymore. And helping them will help you. And one day you'll realise that you didn't hurt so bad today. Then one day you'll realise you didn't hurt at all that day. And then your heart will be ready to love. <P>Hugs to you. You'll be in my prayers too. </b></font>
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Postby Goblin_182 » Sat Mar 31, 2001 5:43 am

<b><font color=purple><font face=Georgia><font size=3></font id=size3>Mom, Babe, the guy used you. He was after one thing, and he got it. He is tired of you and off to tyhe next one. You were not the first time he cheated on his wife, you won't be the last. And now he is goingto hold your career back, just because. Get over this guy and get on with your life. And if things at work don't improve, I would consider bringing sexual harassment charges against him. It's not out of revenge, but out of not being penalized for making a mistake with this creep.</font id=Georgia></font id=purple></b>
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