The worst part of the relationship process

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The worst part of the relationship process

Postby Aardvark » Fri Oct 25, 2002 4:28 pm

I am not sure if this fits "The Burn Ward," but it is the best forum I could find for this post. Today (well technically yesterday I am a night owl) I realized I had it for one of the other TA/Graduate students at my school. I say "realized" because we have known each other for years and we started going to the same school when she entered the grad program at CSULB in September, so it took me getting that squishy feeling and then being bummed when she left for me to realize the feelings I had developed for her. Which brings me to my complaint...I hate these feelings.

Don't get me wrong, I love being in love and having someone to love, but I hate the period before a relationship begins (or possible doesn't) where you know your interested but you aren't sure they are. I try to concentrate on work but my thoughts keep wandering. I try to sleep but the tension keep me from a good night sleep. Then there is the stress of not knowing where things will go, how to approach the relationship, what might happen if she isn't interested and we still have work together (we both coach the speech team).

I compared my current state to the state I was in 10 months ago when I broke up with my last girlfriend (who at one point I thought I was going to marry) and I have to say, I think I preferred dealing with the break up. At least with the break up my future was certain, I knew where to put my emotions and how to deal with them, and if I couldn't sleep I could just do a 30minute bitch session to myself and be done with it. So I am wondering, am I alone in this feeling or do other people find this pre-relationship stage rather uncomfortable, distracting, and nerve wracking<img src=pix/icon_smile_question.gif border=0 align=middle>
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Postby Synne » Sun Oct 27, 2002 12:56 am

You're definately NOT alone.

It's definately scary... but also really exciting. I think low self esteem makes it scary... "what if s/he doesn't like me?" "what if I make a fool out of myself?", etc... but if you turn that around and think that your an amazing person and the only reason s/he wouldn't want to be with you is because s/he's a total moron, then it would take half the fear out of it <img src=pix/icon_smile_tongue.gif border=0 align=middle> JUST GO FOR IT! What's the worst thing that could happen? She'll say "no thanks" and then you gear up again...

Mmm that feeling... like before the first kiss... it's such an insane and yummy mix of fear, anxiety, excitement, anticipation... it's one of the most amazing feelings in the world - AND I think it's the reason why a lot of people cheat on their "significant others".
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Postby Aardvark » Sun Oct 27, 2002 11:09 am

Actually, in this case it could be worse than "No thanks" since we have to work together. Though in general, I do agree with you that people should just go for it. The part I actually do not like is that excitement and anticipation. Maybe if it was summer and I had time off I would enjoy it, but I barely have time to brush my teeth this semester, let alone deal with this. Oh well, turns out she has a boyfriend she never talks about (at least not to me) in Northern California, who is considering moving down to be with her. At least I found out from a mutual friend before I could even ask her out so there isn't any awkwardness.
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Postby Synne » Tue Oct 29, 2002 9:27 am

Good thing you found out abt the boyfriend before you said anything... Okay... what did we all learn from this? Try to get as much info BEFORE you go ahead and say something to the person! <img src=pix/icon_smile.gif border=0 align=middle>

You said it'd be something much worse than "no thanks" cause you'd still have to work together... but still... there'd probably be initial awkwardness but if you were both honest, I could see things being okay afterwards... but whatever, you found out abt the b/f... just keep your ears open for new of any possible breakup! <img src=pix/salook.gif border=0 align=middle>
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Postby All that Jazz » Wed Nov 13, 2002 7:16 pm

Is it too late to post in this one?

<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote>Oh well, turns out she has a boyfriend she never talks about (at least not to me) in Northern California, who is considering moving down to be with her. <hr height=1 noshade id=quote></font id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote> that say you dismiss all from your mind, like chase a lost cause?

When we are outside of a special kind of relationship, if you dwell on it, it magnifies the loneliness. You must really just enjoy friends and not go looking for love. It hits you when you least expect it. Never loose your smile, because someone, somewhere may be falling in love with it
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Postby Hairball » Thu Nov 14, 2002 11:40 am

that feeling of squishy love/lust can definitely wake up the sleeping devil inside.

Aardvark, how serious is she with her boyfriend?
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Postby Aardvark » Thu Nov 14, 2002 5:03 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote>
<b>hairball wrote:</b>
that feeling of squishy love/lust can definitely wake up the sleeping devil inside.

Aardvark, how serious is she with her boyfriend?
<hr height=1 noshade id=quote></font id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote>

Unsure exactly how serious she is about him. I haven't asked. All I know is he wanted to move down here and she said she was too busy till winter break. We have continued to work together, and I continue to since chemisty between the two of us. If I had the time I might actually dwell on it.
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Postby Hairball » Thu Nov 14, 2002 5:29 pm

i can understand this "not knowing" feeling. won't go into details here. can't really. all i can add is that lust can sometimes be extremely frustrating. it wakes up demons that can't go back to sleep.
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Postby Aardvark » Fri Nov 15, 2002 9:21 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote>
<b>hairball wrote:</b>
i can understand this "not knowing" feeling. won't go into details here. can't really. all i can add is that lust can sometimes be extremely frustrating. it wakes up demons that can't go back to sleep.
<hr height=1 noshade id=quote></font id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote>
I agree that lust can wake up demons best left in the asleep . I just wish it was physical lust, I've delt with that my whole life (Yeah I know I'm no hat old). It is the personality chemistry and resulting lust which is hard to put to rest...speaking of rest it's 4am here I'd better get some...assuming Fel. ain't still stalking the dream scape. (see reality forum <img src=pix/icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle>)
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Postby Hairball » Sat Nov 16, 2002 8:05 am

<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote>
<b>Aardvark wrote:</b>
I agree that lust can wake up demons best left in the asleep. I just wish it was physical lust, I've delt with that my whole life (Yeah I know I'm no hat old). It is the personality chemistry and resulting lust which is hard to put to rest...<hr height=1 noshade id=quote></font id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote>

depending on the day, the mind can rest and the demons won't dance. the frustration is there regardless, an addition to the "unknown" of whether that person feels the same way and would want to do something about it.
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Postby felidae » Sat Dec 07, 2002 2:56 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote>
<b>Aardvark wrote:</b>
<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote>
<b>hairball wrote:</b>
i can understand this "not knowing" feeling. won't go into details here. can't really. all i can add is that lust can sometimes be extremely frustrating. it wakes up demons that can't go back to sleep.
<hr height=1 noshade id=quote></font id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote>
I agree that lust can wake up demons best left in the asleep . I just wish it was physical lust, I've delt with that my whole life (Yeah I know I'm no hat old). It is the personality chemistry and resulting lust which is hard to put to rest...speaking of rest it's 4am here I'd better get some...assuming Fel. ain't still stalking the dream scape. (see reality forum <img src=pix/icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle>)
<hr height=1 noshade id=quote></font id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote>

LOL!!!!!!!! I never did see this one till now!!! Dont you worry..I have been having nice dreams...<img src=pix/salook.gif border=0 align=middle>
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Postby Aardvark » Wed Dec 11, 2002 4:56 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote>
<b>Felidae wrote:</b>
<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote>
<b>Aardvark wrote:</b>
<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote>
<b>hairball wrote:</b>
i can understand this "not knowing" feeling. won't go into details here. can't really. all i can add is that lust can sometimes be extremely frustrating. it wakes up demons that can't go back to sleep.
<hr height=1 noshade id=quote></font id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote>
I agree that lust can wake up demons best left in the asleep . I just wish it was physical lust, I've delt with that my whole life (Yeah I know I'm no hat old). It is the personality chemistry and resulting lust which is hard to put to rest...speaking of rest it's 4am here I'd better get some...assuming Fel. ain't still stalking the dream scape. (see reality forum <img src=pix/icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle>)
<hr height=1 noshade id=quote></font id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote>

LOL!!!!!!!! I never did see this one till now!!! Dont you worry..I have been having nice dreams...<img src=pix/salook.gif border=0 align=middle>
<hr height=1 noshade id=quote></font id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote>

how do you expect me to make witty cross references if you don't read them !!!! <img src=pix/silly.gif border=0 align=middle>
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Postby felidae » Thu Dec 12, 2002 5:37 am

My Bad. I will try and do better <img src=pix/icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle>
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Postby Mixaquious » Tue Dec 17, 2002 1:06 pm

Well I know this is probably too late but I figure two cents from a stranger (late or not) is as good as any. I have to question this "chemistry" if you were not informed she had a man, just for mine I would say chemistry flows from natural ability to converse with one another and not holding anything back? I would have serious reservations about this person's abilities to commit if she was hiding the fact that she was unavailable and perhaps you should give a bit of consideration to her motives for not mentioning this before??

This two cents was brough to you by www.getalife.com - all fun all the time.
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Postby felidae » Wed Dec 18, 2002 1:22 am

Hey Mix...just browsed you....and it says to ask you..so I am asking...whats up? <img src=pix/icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>
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Postby Mixaquious » Wed Dec 18, 2002 10:53 am

"Felidae", I don't remember putting in the "ask me" statements but that's the result of some intense laziness that'll end up coming back to haunt me somehow...:)

I am good, I am always in a good mood, some may say I put too much sugar in my coffee, personally i think I put too much coffee in my coffee (if that's possible). So anyways, i'm constantly on some kind of a buzz and it's pretty wicked.

I really have no ability to give any one advice on relationships (so if I say anything anyone disagrees with you should probably ignore me) because I've been in plenty of relationships and basically I just get bored.:)

Latest news - I just got a new tennis racket!:)

Favourite quote - either "I fart in your general direction" (Monty Python) or "Holy dirty apartment fat man!" (three guys a girl and a pizza place I think).

Hobbies - Well i'm a computing honours student so computers I guess is kinda my hobbie, tennis, soccer, movies the usual.

But enough about me, what about you?:)

Ciao for now
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Postby felidae » Wed Dec 18, 2002 11:37 am

Hmmmmmmmm...maybe you should browse yourself???

As for me...well, my attitude towards life is "Fuck It", "Whatever", "I am going to do something about it", or "talk to the hand", whichever I am in the mood for.

I really dont need advice on relationships, but thanks for the heads up! I am doing ok, thank you.

Latest News - Let me get back to you on that.

Favorite Quote - "Everyone complains about the weather, but no one does anything about it" (Mark Twain)

(I think I should fill out mu bio) hahahaa
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